Connection to the world – our brain sometimes gets in the way

Our fast-paced digital world requires us to think quickly and act just as quickly – to know quickly what we need – yes/no, possible/not possible/impossible – such knowledge seems to ensure our survival. It seems as if the digital world is forcing us to make digital decisions – the faster the better and more successful – but is that true? Does it really secure us something, and if so, what? And do we want that?

How do we actually evaluate things?

It is helpful to know that there is an instance within us that either turns towards or turns away from what we encounter. This happens completely automatically, very quickly and unconsciously in the deeper regions of our brain. This region of our brain is also connected to the heart, for example, which ensures that our limbs are quickly supplied with blood in case we have to flee, attack or lapse into a state of paralysis. All of these processes were absolutely necessary a few million years ago. A saber-toothed tiger usually came unexpectedly and didn’t want to discuss things, but wanted to satisfy its needs – much to our disadvantage.

Our survival depended on how quickly we could decide what to do next. Those who were successful and quick survived and were our great-great-…great-ancestors.

Such obvious threats have become rare. Today, the saber-toothed tigers that threaten our lives here in the western world usually come in a more harmless form. What can endanger us today is much more subtle. Eating habits, leisure habits, discrimination habits – all of these learned patterns that are also inherent in our culture usually endanger our lives in a much more subtle way. For example, whether or not I watch TV in the evening to relax is usually learned. Whether I treat myself to a beer and chips at the same time is usually learned as well.

But if we want to stop doing that, it becomes more difficult.

For such more complex challenges, evolution has given us another structure in our brain – a far more diplomatic structure that can deal with the “here and now”. This structure requires an enormous amount of energy and tires easily. For economic reasons, it is therefore activated primarily when we have to solve more complex issues (for example, solving difficult math problems or adopting a new behavior).

Consciously targeting this structure, i.e. the “diplomat” in us, means wanting to get to the bottom of ourselves. Because we actually want to deal with issues “automatically” – this “comfort zone” is easy, quick and uses the least of our energy. Turning on the TV in the evening as a habit takes little effort. But thinking up a new way to challenge ourselves to try something different does.

If I evaluate something without consciously thinking, I am in the “automaton”. That helps me less when I want to change something. Unfortunately, the habit usually feels much better – I judge the unfamiliar as strange and weird. But that is exactly what we are helping with now. Because what feels “strange” is usually new and that is exactly what shows me that I am in the process of learning.

If I want to change something, it is best if I have a neutral position on the topic. For example, I can observe when I particularly like watching TV, drinking beer, smoking or encountering similar sabre-toothed tiger automatisms. What exactly leads to this? What doesn’t? When does it become difficult, when is it very easy to stop doing it, when is it almost impossible? What gives me a similar feeling and perhaps has fewer side effects?

If I first accept what I encounter without judging it, I have activated the “diplomat” in me. I first take note of it with curiosity, collect further data in the form of observations, and then either develop an opinion or, in the above case, an alternative or still have none.

This possibility of consciously deciding not to judge at first can lead to a slowdown. In some cases, the time between what we encounter and what we observe (without immediately acting) can bring up something from our inner experience that we had not thought of.

It is precisely this grappling with a question and not acting immediately that can lead to more precise answers. Perhaps another person will give us an impulse that we had not thought of. We are all then part of an answer that can emerge through more careful listening on other levels.

Despite all the knowledge, allowing yourself to look like a curious child, i.e. to look without prejudice, can provide a counterbalance in this ever faster-paced world. With the permission not to have to judge straight away, not to have to know straight away, the dictates of the time can become a rhythm of its own, which is geared to my own needs. I can act more consciously and be more mindful in my decisions.

Once we have developed an alternative and practiced it for a longer period of time, even if it is against our well-being (instead of watching TV, a long walk in the forest in summer, a special tea and a good book in winter), a new “automatism” can gradually develop. I am often asked how long something like this takes, from the intention to change behavior to the actual new way of dealing with things – I find it helpful to say a whole year. Once we have practiced this new form for around 12-16 weeks, we will realize that it has become a new need for us. Once we have practiced it for 12 months, it should be reflected in our brain cells as an automatism.

To judge or not to judge – what is the answer?

Perhaps it is a question of when to judge and why.

Not to judge is like an exercise. Not reacting immediately to something that presents itself to us is like that. The “muscle” that we are exercising here is called “mindfulness” – only when we gradually become aware of what is happening in the period between stimulus and reaction can we judge at all and should we judge when necessary. In this way we can represent ourselves with depth, empathy and greater self-confidence, face challenges and may be surprised by what we think of things.